Brandon Weber of UpWorthy has appointed himself as the SOLE authority on where people should be able to spend their money in an article titled, “What Some Folks Do With Their Piles Of Money Is Downright Un-American”.

I thought the whole point of America was that you could earn your own pile of money without being told what you could spend it on: a house, oranges, a Dolly Parton memorabilia collection, an aquarium, a car, Dolly Parton’s old breast implants.

yes, there is a Dolly Parton theme park.  if this isn’t America, I don’t know what is

But according to President Weber:

Before you go all, “But it’s their money!” I have one thing to say: This country’s entire infrastructure is what enabled these people to make the money they are now hiding away in other countries to avoid paying taxes on it.

Yeah! So if you’re a commuter and work in DC, but live in Silver Spring, Maryland, how dare you spend all that money you earned in DC in another state! You should be forced to spend it in the district—no wait—in the BUILDING you earned it in. Imagine how rich those little office cafes would be if that was the rule.

According to US PIRG where the statistics came from:

Every year, corporations and wealthy individuals avoid paying an estimated $184 billion in state and federal income taxes by using complicated accounting tricks to shift their profits to offshore tax havens.

Complicated accounting tricks? I wonder why those are necessary?

Oh yeah, that’s right. The tax code is absolutely impossible to understand.

According to CCH Standard Federal Tax Reporter, the current U.S. Federal Tax code is 73,954 pages long. A standard sheet of paper is 8.5 inches in width by 11 inches in length.

For reference—end to end the tax code is 13 miles long—a half-marathon of taxes.

When you create a messy system of taxes, loopholes, exemptions, and subsidies (ironically to encourage companies to stay in America) then it’s no wonder companies just say “screw it” and register on an island.

Also, the money stored offshore doesn’t stay there forever—it’s only kept there. It’s still the property of the Apples and the Microsofts who place it there, and use it to invest back into their operations (in America). It’s not used to build iPads in the Cayman Islands (too much sand would get in the cases).

By the way, do you want to know where a lot of money earned in America goes (and never comes back?)

In the United States last year, more than $120 billion was sent by workers to families abroad – making it the largest sender of remittances in the world. More than $23 billion went to Mexico, $13.45 billion to China, $10.84 billion to India and $10 billion to the Philippines, among other recipients.

Also, $1.84 billion was sent back to France (FRANCE?)–like they need the money (no wonder Louis Vuitton is so successful).

That money is not taxed and doesn’t come back, by the way.

It’s not being used to build the iPad Wafer (lighter than Air!) or to buy property.

It was earned from American companies, in American cities, with American infrastructure funded by American taxpayers.

And that money is being spent in countries all around the world—everywhere but here.